What can I say? I've been having a tough time focusing lately. There's been a lot on my plate, and a lot I've had to deal with. Sometimes I find myself a bit overwhelmed by it all, and I shut down. Which means to say I keep to myself, mopping and being unproductive and anti-social. Probably not the best way of dealing with things, but it doesn't happen often. It's not a state of depression, it's more that my brain can't cope with the overload, and decides that instead of playing 52-pickup, it's going to just work it out in time. Like unraveling a tangled skein of yarn.
I think what triggered it was my visit to an Orthopedic Surgeon in late January. I have developed extensive inflammatory osteoarthritis in my knees, and it's particularly bad in my right one. So bad in fact I need to have knee replacement surgery. The surgeon was very surprised to see such extensive wear and tear on someone as young as I am. But there are 2 problems.
Firstly - because I'm only 42, they're reluctant to perform the surgery. I'm too young, and the replacement joint will only wear out and need replacing in x-amount of years. OK. So, how bad does it have to be before my age is no longer an issue, I asked.
"So bad that your quality of life is impacted to the point you have difficulty or cannot perform everyday tasks."
REALLY??? And right now, my life is so hoppin' that I can barely keep up??? I left, shaking my head thinking - wow, this is nuts. I face not being able to do the things I love to do in the summer - long walks, cycling - because as it is now, I'm not in enough pain to justify surgery??
I have to say, that did not make me happy. Enter brain, not being able to wrap itself around this.
And secondly? All that doesn't matter because of my polycythemia. The lovely bone marrow disorder I have that wreaks havoc on everything. Because I'm at an increased risk of hemorrhage, and my hematocrit is too high, I'm not a candidate for surgery anyway.
So, needless to say, this put me in somewhat of a funk. I absolutely hated the feeling of having no control over my life. It just didn't make any sense to me. Yes, it could be a lot worse. But for the first time in my life, that thought meant nothing to me.
But, little by little I worked it out as best I could. Enter my GP doctor to the rescue. She's sending me to a sports medicine clinic, and to physiotherapy. At least I can try and get some mobility. At least I'm doing something. The damage to my knee is irreversible, but I can at least try to make it easier to live with.
And, to help my health along - I did do something good! (See? It's not all bad!)
Wow Brigitte, fruits and vegetables?
No sillies! They're the raw ingredients for my new toy.
My Omega Juicer, the Cadillac of juicers. Mmmm...green juice...
I was having a hard time with my appetite, and as a result, I wasn't eating properly. Some days, my stomach wants nothing to do with solid food. So, I scraped together my pennies, and bought this lovely model. And it is without a doubt some of the best money I've ever spent (next to yarn, of course). It's quick, quiet, and easy to clean. And - it gives me the nutrients I need.
This morning? I had an apple, pear, carrot, swiss chard, collard greens and parsley cocktail.
Mmmmm...appetizing green juice...
It may not look all that appealing, but trust me - once you've tried it, you'll love the difference it makes.
And that's a good thing!
So, did I knit while I was contemplating the meaning of life these last few months? I made some hats for my neighbours who both work for Canada Post. And I plugged away on Fulmar (I know! Can you believe it??!), socks, and other stuff that got started and then frogged. Lots of that stuff... And I made this too -
Oooo, pretty lace scarf! It's a pattern from Fiddlesticks Knitting, one of the 3 Necks-to-You designs. I used 2 balls of Fiddlesticks Knitting Silken Merino in Twilight.
And something else as well, which I'll show you next time.
Good things always come in the mail.
Meet Mavis the Monster, knit just for me by the wonderful Michele. She's a hit with the Little Dudes, although I think they're running her ragged.
"So anyway, I was all - you do that Gandalf and I'm gonna tell Mom! - and he just turned his back on me! ME! It kinda made me sad that he'd diss me that way, but being that I have hopes of one day being a Manly Dude like Atticus, I didn't let my emotions show. But it's hard you know. Is it OK for a boy kitty to cry? Mavis? Are you listening to me?"
"Let me tell you, it's sooo nice having another girl around here. We can gossip and play with Mom's makeup, and do each other's hair, and...hey, I hope you're not my friend just 'cause of my brothers!"
"Wow Mavis, I'm flattered! It's been awhile since a young lady has asked me out on a date. So...do we hold hands? I think I should ask my Mom first though."
Thanks for listening everyone. And rest assured I'm dealing with things now. Not to say I won't have my funky days, but I now believe that in time, it will get better, and things will work themselves out.