Malcolm Is A Poet

Malcolm had his annual visit with the vet this past week. I knew he'd gained some weight, but I never imagined he'd gained over 5 lbs in a year!

He now has the dubious distinction of being the biggest cat I've ever had. Bigger than Atticus ever was in his youth.

"Yes! No longer the fat one!"

Malcolm weighs 23.5 lbs.

Indulge him, if you will. He stayed up all night composing this little poem. And if you stay to the end, you'll see not 1, but 2 (!) FO's. Seriously.

On Being Chunky, by Malcolm Boykitty the III.

My name is Malcolm, and I'm a cat!
Apparently, I'm kinda "fat".

It seems I've gained a pound or two.
My vet was all "dude, what did you do?!"

But I like to eat! And I like to sleep!
And sure, playing with my brothers is kinda neat.

("Wha'? No! I have not been biting Malcolm's tush. Why would you say that??")

I guess all that just isn't enough,
I'll have to work real hard, and get all buff.

So I'll eat a little bit less each day.
And play a lot more, even with Mae!

(Accidental spillage...or manna from heaven, depending on if you have 2 legs or 4.)

("I don't think so, dweeb...")

So that's my story, aren't you glad you tuned in?
To close, here's Atticus who says, - "it's good to be King".

The End!
'k bye.
Love, Malcolm

The King.

I'm seriously thinking of buying Malcolm a harness and leash, and take him out to the backyard for walks. We have a big backyard.

Poor little (big) love muffin. He was so pissed off after his vet visit (probably more with the vaccines and bum shaving than all of that weight talk) that he thanked me by pooping in the carrier on the way home. Something none of my dudes have EVER done before. Sure, Atticus has been known to pee on me while I tried getting him into the carrier, but he's never pooped once in the carrier.

Enough poop and poundage talk!

Look!

It's a cowl! From the "Maud" set, purchased from Virtual Yarns. Of course, it's been so mild this winter, I haven't been able to wear it yet. I've held off working on any of the other accessories in the set for now; I probably won't get a chance to wear them this year, thanks to our rip-off of a winter...

And! As I have more time on my hands these days, I try and spend a few hours each day working on finishing up long-suffering WIPs. I'm starting with those that have minimal work left to do, and the first up was this:

It's the "Oaklet Shawl", by Megan Goodacre. I used some Fleece Artist 4-ply Cashmere that I've had lying around since Pontius was a Pilate, so it was good to finally use it up. I have no idea when I started it. Really, does it matter? I'm pretty pleased with the results; my kind of lace - simple and not too demanding on the brain.

See?

Ooooo, easy!

Easy-peesy, lemon squeezy. My kind of lace.

And I even managed not to mangle the blocking process.

What more could I ask for?! Now, don't hold your breath waiting to see more FO's. I have a lot of WIPs... More WIPs than Malcolm has pounds to lose.

Have a great week everyone!

On Saying No

Happy Day After Christmas! Did everyone have a good holiday? I did, spending it with my neighbour Brian, his Mom, her dog Rainey, and of course, Sasha.

"Really Sasha."

"Oh, look at this. Honest Atticus, I didn't mean to do it! I just get so relaxed and comfortable here..."

She loves coming over, and the guys are getting used to her being around. Although they draw the line at her scarfing back their food.

It was a good time yesterday. We watched movies ("Red", and "Hot Tub Time-Machine", which despite the name was a very funny movie and a great blast from the past for those of us who were in high school in the '80's), played board games, and ate a lot. Brian deep-fried the turkey, which - gross as it may sound - was outstanding. It took 45 minutes (yes, you read that right) to cook an 9lbs turkey. The scalloped potatoes took longer. Deep-frying the turkey leaves it moist on the inside, and as long as you're not eating the skin, it's not greasy at all. I was so.good. So yeah, I didn't say no to seconds.

I donate monthly to the Toronto Humane Society. Every year around this time, they send me a little package, asking for donations, or to increase my monthly donation amount.

Now, I ask you. If you received this envelope in the mail, as I did, would you not increase your monthly donation amount? The only surprise here is that I didn't sign away my entire paycheck. The THS sure know how to make the most of their marketing dollars. Again I fail at saying no.

Who else has issues with "no"?

"What? 17.8lbs? No, that's not right! I mean, I can't be...really? 17.8lbs?? That's just me on a bad day! Retaining water or something. I mean, c'mon. It's not that I...really? 17.8lbs. Huh."

Yup. Little wee baby Malcolm is now a whopping 17.8lbs. I about fell over at the vet's office when she told me the weight. It's not easy putting one of four cats on a "diet", so I'm trying to do it in such a way that I reduce the amount they're eating, without compromising the weight of the others. Although Atticus could stand to lose a pound or two.

"I beg to differ."

They all get a mix of the old food and the low-calorie one, and a bit less of it too. Some days it's gobbled up, other days they leave some in their dish. So, little by little, I suppose. Unlike Atticus, Malcolm doesn't get crabby when you mess with his food. He may be a bit of drama-queen, but he's pretty easy going.

But. The most monumental example of not being able to say "no" of the last couple of weeks?

No. I didn't get another cat.

No. I didn't get another job.

No. I didn't start spinning (unlike another knitter, who I shall just call Labrain...)

Instead. I decided to swap apartments! AGAIN!

I KNOW!

Yay me!

Yes, that's right. I'm moving, well, swapping apartments really (sounds so much less work), within the next week. This time, it's the upper apartment of the other section of the house. It's an add-on to the original farmhouse which I live in now (which was built in 1892), and was built around 1912. It'll be my second time living in that apartment - I was there from 2003 until late 2005, before I moved into the apartment directly upstairs from where I am now.

Confused?! Don't worry chickens. I am too...

See, here's why. Firstly - it's $100 cheaper a month. Secondly - I loved that apartment while I was there. Of the 3 out of 4 units I've lived in here, it is my favourite. I moved out because of the renovations. Which brings me to the third reason - new bathroom, new kitchen, new mud room leading out to the deck, which is also new. There was no deck when I lived there. And the bathtub? The original, old claw-foot bathtub with one of those nifty rain shower heads. I'm actually not sure what enticed me more - the cheaper rent, or the bathtub.

It has the same square footage as this one does, however the layout of the rooms is different. Here, my office is smaller than my bedroom, at the new place it's the reverse. I don't need such a large bedroom, however I do need a larger office/stash room.

So, have I started packing yet? Not so much as a shred of paper. I have the next couple of weeks to move in slowly, and if I've learned anything from my past 3 apartment swaps, it's that I don't need to pack everything up. And even what will end up going in boxes will not need to be wrapped and ready to go. I want to be in there by next weekend. Mainly because my main moving help will either be away the week after (Brian), or back in school (neighbour James).

As happy as I am, the guys could care less.

These two lumps have lived in that apartment before.

"You like this moving thing, don't you? I guess this way we'll be able to find all of those missing crinkly balls Auntie Chris brought us last year when she came for a visit."

I'm bracing myself - as I move stuff out of here, I'm sure to find not only the missing crinkly balls, but also a quantity of pooplets that Malcolm has batted in spots I wouldn't have suspected.

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

After 6 months or so of me thinking he'd grown out of that most annoying of habits, he has started up with digging pooplets out of the litter box again, and playing with them like it's the World Cup.

I'll have a lot of help so that I don't wear myself down. Wish me luck! And next time around, I'll post some pictures of the new digs, and let you see for yourself why I just love that apartment.

Oh! And knitting too!

Hi Everybody!

It's me!

Malcolm, silly.

"Hi!"

I'm hijacking Mom's blog! She's not feeling well today; something about gout in her big toe. I'm not sure what that is, but it's making her crabby! And she's limping and swearing and stuff. I think it has something to do with her polycythemia. Just something she has to get used to now, I guess. I said to her - Mom, why don't you go lie down, put your foot up, pop some pills and let me take over! She just kept dragging her foot and swearing so I figured, why not. I'll take it as a yes.

Guess who came over for a visit this week!?

Sasha! She came over with her Dad Brian, and Leika's big brother James. Leika's this big honkin' German Sheppard who lives next door. But she's really nice and sweet and all, and Gandalf has a crush on her.

"Hi Sasha!"

"Hi Gandalf! Hi Malcolm! Thanks for having me over! It's really raining outside."

"You wanna stay for some noms?"

"OK! Oh, wait, I think my Dad is gonna give me noms when we get home."

"How's your little sister doing?!"

"Roxy? Oh, she's a big pain in the butt. But, she's OK I guess."

Oh! I didn't tell you! One day, a couple of weeks ago, Sasha and her Dad were coming home from the park when this puppy just came out of nowhere, and followed them home! She didn't have a collar, or a microchip either (whatever that is). Mom says it's probably because she has some pitbull in her, and you're not allowed to breed pitbulls in the city of Toronto. So, whoever got her got her off of someone who bred them, and that's not supposed to happen. No one came looking for her, and no one put signs up or anything. But, that's OK. She's also got some Lab in her, and boy, does Mom ever think she's cute! Everyone does! I mean, I look at her from my side of the window, and she's always wagging her tail. Sasha says she's a spaz and a 'tard, but I think she really likes having a little sister. Anyway. Her name is Roxy now. I'll try to get a picture next time. But she's always running around, so sometimes it's hard you know. Everytime I see her outside, I have to remember to go and get the camera and that's kinda hard with no opposable thumbs.

"What did you buy at the store, Sasha?"

"Oh, I don't know. My Dad bought some people food. Is that your food? Kitty food?"

"Uh huh. I think it's Salmon. Help yourself!"

Mae's all - whatever. I think she secretly likes having Sasha over because it means there's another girl around. Ew.

"Don't you be eating my food, dog. I didn't invite you over. Dweeb brothers..."

Mom has been knitting. Honest! I mean, she'd start stuff, and then be all - meh. Then she'd unravel it and start again. But, now she's making these Fair Isle mittens from some Fair Isle book by some lady in Scotland. It's supposed to be the be all to end all! She's liking them. I think she's going to rip them out though, and start over again, because she doesn't like the way the ribbing looks. Humans are so weird. Something about the purl bumps looking messy because of the colour changes. It's not like she has a lot to rip back, she only just started them. And, she's going to use up a bunch of leftover Hebridean 2 ply yarn from that same lady in Scotland! Coooool... And she's also making this red sweater with some Fleece Artist yarn she forgot she even had. I dunno. I remember ALL my toys, so I really don't get how she can forget some yarn she has. Anyway, it's really nice and stuff, so she's making this easy sweater. She's doing it in one big circle, and then when she gets to the underarm, she's gonna slip some stitches on a holder or something, and then go do the sleeves later. Oh, but before she makes the sleeves, she makes the upper part of the sweater. I dunno. I guess I've been watching Mom knit for way too long now. Don't ask how I even know that! She works on that when she's watching stuff on TV.

Guess what else Mom's been doing? And it's been keeping her really busy too. She's been reading these books by some guy named Stieg Larsson. One's about a girl with a dragon tattoo, and in the other one Mom's reading now the girl plays with fire. Oh, and there's another one too that Mom hasn't starting reading yet about the same girl who kicks a hornet's nest. I dunno. Sounds pretty meh to me. But Mom can't get over how good they are. And she reads a lot of books. Whatever. I don't read.

"...stupid books...cuttin' back on my Mom time...bad enough with the knitting all the time...oh, and that work thing..."

OK, I think I'm gonna go now. I'm kinda tired, and I think Mom's gonna go take some Aleve or something for her gout. She's still kinda crabby.

"Take care of Mom, entertain guests when they come over... Eat your dinner Gandalf! Sit on my lap Gandalf! Have a snack Gandalf! It never ends! I'm so busy all the time! I need some me time."

Hey! Wait a sec! Who put that picture up there! (That's my new favourite nap spot. It's the top part from a big paper box! Neat, huh?!)

Anyways! Bye everyone! Thanks for dropping by! And Happy Thanksgiving to all my Canadian friends out there. Today is Thanksgiving in Canada, and I know I'm thankful for a lot of things.

Atticus is gonna show Gandalf and I how to get the ice pack out of the freezer for Mom now. Bye! Again!

It's Been a Year?!!

Hi Everyone!!!! Guess what?!! IT WAS MY FIRST BIRTHDAY YESTERDAY!!!!!!

Look at how small I was! And cute! Boy, was I ever an adorable little gaffer. Still am, really.

My first year was fun! And confusing too. At times, I thought my name was "ow, dammit Malcolm!", and "Nerf-Ball cut it out!", but I soon learned. I have awesome big brothers and sister. They taught me how to be a big grown up kitty. Not sure why, being a little kitty is a whole lot of fun! Just look at what I got into!

"WHEEEEEEEEEEHEEEEHEEEEE! Look at me Mom!"

And then I found this really cool thing called a "sink". Sometimes there's stuff in there, and I can play around with it and it makes all kinds of neat noises!

"I wonder what this does...?"

After Mom saw me there, I thought my name was "WTF! Malcolm!". It's confusing when you're little, you know.

Anyhoo. Then, I figured out how to jump up on to the table! Mae wasn't too impressed at first, she's was all - stay on your side, dweeb - but I won her over. I'd lie like this, and make googly eyes at her.

"...*plink plink plink*...hi Mae..."

But, when I'd have a bad dream, or sometimes just because, I'd go find my big brother Gandalf, and he'd make it all better! Not like Mom-all-better, but like, just well, better.

Of course, Atticus is pretty awesome too.

And Mae too, when she thinks no one is looking.

So you see, I'm pretty lucky. And happy! Everyone says I'm cute and funny and sweet and stuff, I have a cool Mom who loves me, brothers and a sister who love me, lots of friends, I get to eat yummy food, and I get a bedtime snack too! I get to snuggle on my Mom's tummy, usually when she's knitting. Even though I have toys, I used to play with poop. But I don't any more! And Mom seems to like that I don't. But I still think spiders and toilet paper are pretty neat to play with!

OK! So, yay me! I'm one!

I kinda need a nap now. This is my favourite spot to sleep! Mae says I snore, but I say she's a gassy McFartysons. Hee hee...

Bye everyone! Thanks for stopping by, and being so nice to me all year! I promise I'm gonna have lots more pictures for you.

Love,

Malcolm

Summertime Fun

"The last time Mom took the fan out, Auntie Chris was visiting. And I was a little squirt. So, we all got our hopes up that maybe this meant that she was coming for a visit again!"

"But, that wasn't the case. Which really bummed me out! And then Mom put the fan away, which I didn't understand 'cause it was really, really hot out. Instead, she put this funny box in the window."

"And it's awesome! I'm not hot! I'm...cool...and Mom is too, which is good. Because Atticus 'n' Mae 'n' Gandalf all say that Mom is really crabby when it's hot out. I may not be able to look out the window as much, but that's OK. This thing is neat-O."

"Dude... this is how I should live all the time. Oh wait. I do."

"Gandalf, do you want to play Star Trek? You can be Kirk, and I'll be Scotty."

"OK. What about Mae?"

"Um, she can be...how 'bout Chekov?"

"No, she's a girl! She can't be Chekov! She can be Uhura."

"Cool, ok! And Atticus can be Spock!"

"Yeah, I'll be Spock! Right on!"

"...so not playing with you geeks...I need a sister."

Once the air conditioner went in, and the place started cooling down, the guys would returned to their crazy selves. The heat had a way of weighing even Malcolm down. And of course, once I turned the unit on, the wrestling and running at top speeds resumed. It also seemed to quiet them down that much quicker as well. I think it's the "white noise" of the unit running. Regardless, having the A/C in makes for a content bunch of cats, and makes me all the more happy.

I have never claimed to be a "summer" person. To be blunt, I hate the heat. Yes. LOATHE. I usually break out in a heat rash, I sweat, my sunglasses bother me, and I burn in record time. *sigh* I know, bitch bitch bitch. But! With the A/C in? I'm not so cranky. Knowing that once I'm inside I don't have to be uncomfortable makes all the difference, and I can actually enjoy the blistering heat and humidity. (Yes, bitch bitch bitch.)

AND, best of all? I can actually knit with wool, without it felting in my hands from the heat.

My Dunadd throw. I'm on the 3rd of 5 cable sections. And I just love it. Having the air conditioner on means that I'll actually be able to work on this throughout the summer, and maybe be able to finish it. Unlike most of the other WIPs huddling in my office.

We had a great week off. And, the guys were especially happy to see their Auntie Lorraine last Thursday.

"It's always a good day when Auntie Lorraine comes for a visit. She always brings me treats..."

"They're for all of us, tubby!"

"Well, I share with the others, even though they have way too much sass and really don't deserve them. And I'm not tubby Gandalf!"

She also brought along some treats for me, including an amazing pair of Alice in Wonderland earrings - one with a picture of Alice, and the other the Cheshire Cat. They are just so beautiful! But, I cannot for the life of me remember how to take close ups with my camera, so I'll have to try again for next week. >:(

"Are you a girl cat? 'Cause if you are, you can come on in. My brothers are dorks."

While the outside cat has his ears flattened and looks annoyed, Mae doesn't seem to be the least bit bothered by the fact a strange cat is on her deck. Right after I snapped this picture, she turned around and went to lie down.

Well, it's back to work tomorrow, *sigh*. It was nice having a week off to rest and relax, but back to business tomorrow... It's supposed to be hot, in the upper 30C range, but that's just fine, I have my air conditioner now and it's all good.

"Let's watch Animal Planet, Gandalf. They've got a show on sharks! Which is what I think I want to be when I grow up. Or a whale. I haven't decided."

The Insanity!

Before I took Malcolm in to the vet because of his vomiting, I really had no indication he was sick. Or did I...? Now that I think back, he thought he was a pretty calm kitten.

In the last week or so, he's been on a path to recovery, AND discovery.

I walked into the kitchen last week, and I *thought* I saw from the corner of my eye, a little orange blur jump off of the kitchen counter. But, I wasn't sure, and didn't pay much attention to it.

Then.

"HEY!!"

"Hay is for horses, Mom! Oh. Am I not supposed to be up here...?"

"Just a quick jump from the top of the stereo, to the counter, and here I am! At the sink, and oooo! I bet if I knock this fork around the sink it'll be really annoying! Yay!"

Not Atticus, not Mae, and not even goofball Gandalf ever jumped and climbed like this guy can.

"I'm a Mountain Lion! Aren't I fierce?!"

He gets into EVERYTHING that he shouldn't.

"...Who's that Kitty?...Sexy Kitty... Who's that Kitty?...*"

*with apologies to the Swiffer people and the Isley Brothers!*

"Man, why didn't I ever think of doing that..."

"I just can't keep up with him. Hey...I wonder if I could jump up there...?"

See the Mountain Lion at rest, his prey discarded.

And let's watch him as he approaches the watering hole.

"Enough with the lame and annoying commentary. Sheesh..."

He did stop long enough to wish his big sister Mae a happy 11th birthday on March 24th.

"Happy Birthday Big Sister Mae!!!!"

"Oh. He's still here. Didn't get my wish."

I still remember Mae's first day here. She jumped on my shoulder while I was sitting down by crawling on my back. And she bonded with Atticus almost immediately, and he is still the only cat in the house she'll differ to. She was just the sweetest little fluff ball. And she still is! Happy Birthday, Baby Mae!

"What?? She never bonded with me like that! Well, at least not right away. Fine then."

So. What else besides Malcolm doing taibo?

Well... I was kind of hesitant to mention this. But, seeing how I'm fine - I will.

I was coming home from work last week, and I got dinged by a car walking through the intersection. Nothing major, just enough to knock me over. I was crossing on a green light, and a lady made a right in front of me, and didn't stop. Oh! Did I mention she was on her cellphone?? Once she saw me, it was too late, and she didn't put on her brakes quickly enough. So, she hit me. Luckily, I fell on my butt, leaning towards my left side. I didn't hit my head, and right now I'm bruised (am I!) and very, very sore. And feeling better today than yesterday. My friend Dave came over yesterday, and helped me with my shopping. It took less than 2 hours, and tired me out for the rest of the day!

As this was rush hour, and at a modestly busy intersection in my neighbourhood, there were a lot of witnesses, including a streetcar full of people, cars waiting at the light, and another person crossing the street behind me. It's not like she could deny it. I was really quite gratifying to see how many people came out to help me, including the streetcar driver. The police arrived, and she was very cooperative with them and me, and didn't deny anything.

Good times.

Oh! I just realized I didn't take any knitting pictures. Not that I have a whole lot to show for myself.

Anyway - that's it for me. I'm tired just reading this! Have a great, and SAFE, week!