So It's Really Been Awhile...Whoops

I really had no intention of letting my blogging go for as long as I have.

What can I say? I've been having a tough time focusing lately. There's been a lot on my plate, and a lot I've had to deal with. Sometimes I find myself a bit overwhelmed by it all, and I shut down. Which means to say I keep to myself, mopping and being unproductive and anti-social. Probably not the best way of dealing with things, but it doesn't happen often. It's not a state of depression, it's more that my brain can't cope with the overload, and decides that instead of playing 52-pickup, it's going to just work it out in time. Like unraveling a tangled skein of yarn.

I think what triggered it was my visit to an Orthopedic Surgeon in late January. I have developed extensive inflammatory osteoarthritis in my knees, and it's particularly bad in my right one. So bad in fact I need to have knee replacement surgery. The surgeon was very surprised to see such extensive wear and tear on someone as young as I am. But there are 2 problems.

Firstly - because I'm only 42, they're reluctant to perform the surgery. I'm too young, and the replacement joint will only wear out and need replacing in x-amount of years. OK. So, how bad does it have to be before my age is no longer an issue, I asked.

"So bad that your quality of life is impacted to the point you have difficulty or cannot perform everyday tasks."

REALLY??? And right now, my life is so hoppin' that I can barely keep up??? I left, shaking my head thinking - wow, this is nuts. I face not being able to do the things I love to do in the summer - long walks, cycling - because as it is now, I'm not in enough pain to justify surgery??

I have to say, that did not make me happy. Enter brain, not being able to wrap itself around this.

And secondly? All that doesn't matter because of my polycythemia. The lovely bone marrow disorder I have that wreaks havoc on everything. Because I'm at an increased risk of hemorrhage, and my hematocrit is too high, I'm not a candidate for surgery anyway.


Win-win.

Brain mush.

So, needless to say, this put me in somewhat of a funk. I absolutely hated the feeling of having no control over my life. It just didn't make any sense to me. Yes, it could be a lot worse. But for the first time in my life, that thought meant nothing to me.

"Mom was bummed."

But, little by little I worked it out as best I could. Enter my GP doctor to the rescue. She's sending me to a sports medicine clinic, and to physiotherapy. At least I can try and get some mobility. At least I'm doing something. The damage to my knee is irreversible, but I can at least try to make it easier to live with.

And, to help my health along - I did do something good! (See? It's not all bad!)

Lookie!

Wow Brigitte, fruits and vegetables?

No sillies! They're the raw ingredients for my new toy.

My Omega Juicer, the Cadillac of juicers. Mmmm...green juice...

I was having a hard time with my appetite, and as a result, I wasn't eating properly. Some days, my stomach wants nothing to do with solid food. So, I scraped together my pennies, and bought this lovely model. And it is without a doubt some of the best money I've ever spent (next to yarn, of course). It's quick, quiet, and easy to clean. And - it gives me the nutrients I need.

This morning? I had an apple, pear, carrot, swiss chard, collard greens and parsley cocktail.

Mmmmm...appetizing green juice...

It may not look all that appealing, but trust me - once you've tried it, you'll love the difference it makes.

And that's a good thing!

So, did I knit while I was contemplating the meaning of life these last few months? I made some hats for my neighbours who both work for Canada Post. And I plugged away on Fulmar (I know! Can you believe it??!), socks, and other stuff that got started and then frogged. Lots of that stuff... And I made this too -

Oooo, pretty lace scarf! It's a pattern from Fiddlesticks Knitting, one of the 3 Necks-to-You designs. I used 2 balls of Fiddlesticks Knitting Silken Merino in Twilight.

And something else as well, which I'll show you next time.

Good things always come in the mail.

Meet Mavis the Monster, knit just for me by the wonderful Michele. She's a hit with the Little Dudes, although I think they're running her ragged.

"So anyway, I was all - you do that Gandalf and I'm gonna tell Mom! - and he just turned his back on me! ME! It kinda made me sad that he'd diss me that way, but being that I have hopes of one day being a Manly Dude like Atticus, I didn't let my emotions show. But it's hard you know. Is it OK for a boy kitty to cry? Mavis? Are you listening to me?"

"Oh yeah...the ladies always come over to Gan... Whoa, getting a little fresh there, Mavis."

"Let me tell you, it's sooo nice having another girl around here. We can gossip and play with Mom's makeup, and do each other's hair, and...hey, I hope you're not my friend just 'cause of my brothers!"

"Wow Mavis, I'm flattered! It's been awhile since a young lady has asked me out on a date. So...do we hold hands? I think I should ask my Mom first though."

Thanks for listening everyone. And rest assured I'm dealing with things now. Not to say I won't have my funky days, but I now believe that in time, it will get better, and things will work themselves out.

It's The Little Things

Has it been that long? I hadn't thought so. It seems at times that the weeks just zip by, and at other times the days drag. Remember when you were a kid, and the time between now and Christmas, or your birthday seemed to take forever?

I've been keeping a low profile of late mainly because I just haven't been feeling that great. I haven't had a reoccurance of the gout (thankfully, oy), but the fatigue is taking it's toll. Plus, it seems my liver is now causing me problems, so it's been an endless round of biopsies, blood tests, doctor visits and the inevitable stress that I really can't afford to allow myself to be under. It's all just a bit overwhelming at times. I'm rarely able to handle a full day without going through a lot of fatigue, usually I have to have a nap at least every 6 hours or so. Some days are better than others; and I'm really hoping that they can figure out how to treat this now that I'm having liver problems. Because I can't imagine that at 42, this is going to be the rest of my life. Work is also a huge stress, due to the push to get things done by the end of the calendar year. Which is nothing new - I've been doing IT stuff for years now - the work stress is a good 90% generated from my wingnut boss, who's trying to change the world by alienating everyone in the process. But - fortunately for me, I work at home 4 days out of 5, and she's easy enough to avoid.

So - one day at a time. I remember all the good in my life, and remind myself that I do have so much to be thankful for. I just need to be patient (not my strongest asset).

Hey! Speaking of kids. For the first time, Malcolm got a reminder in the mail for his annual checkup. I guess that means he's somewhere in the kitty teenaged years now.

"Go 'way, I'm EMO today...my life sucks...hate school...just gonna lie here, and listen to EMO music and read EMO books about vampires. At least they understand me."

Who needs PetSmart when you have really cool boxes to lie around in. The highly coveted item made its debut when I decided to work on this -

That somewhat blurry picture is Donegal. (I'm not one to deny myself the pleasure of something new.) Before I finally settled on this project, I'd gone through a yarn shop's worth of startitis, abandoning projects sometimes after just one evening. *sigh* When I did find something I liked, I'd end up not having enough yarn, or not liking the colours, etc. Or, being disheartened because I'd made a mistake, and just not liking it enough to rip back. I even messed up a pair of Noro Kureyon socks because it seems that a) I forget at times how to read, and b) I'm a weenie. *sigh*

So, Donegal it is. And I'm happy! Happy enough that I picked out/ripped back 8 rounds when I noticed I'd messed up the pattern in the ribbing section. I'm also working on "Stornoway", from Fisherman's Sweaters. There's not much to show for that right now, I'm still working on 3" of ribbing on 2.75mm needles. It could be awhile. But, at least it keeps me happy. And when I'm too tired or feeling clumsy, I just work on socks. I have enough of that kind of yarn to last me a few life times...

And! Just because -

I'm making a pair of those flappy top mittens for my friend Brian (Sasha's Dad). He works outside a lot, and he'd mentioned awhile back that he used to have a pair that he loved. Plus he uh, plays for the other team, so he'll actually notice the quality of the yarn (I'm using leftover 3-ply Hebridean from VY), the variations in colour, will hand wash them when I tell him too, AND make me a cup of tea when I bring them over to him. Can't go wrong there.

Sasha often creeps at my door, wanting to come in for a visit.

"Cats aren't so bad! They sniff butt just like dogs do."

"Don't appreciate you gettin' fresh, Sasha, you're taking liberties and it's not cool!"

The guys are getting used to it. They're not too sure about Sasha's sister Roxy though.

"I smell kitties! I wanna play with the kitties! Kitties kitties kitties!!! KITTIES!!"

They're really not impressed with Roxy scarfing back they're food.

"Talk about bad manners..."

And as if having 2 dogs invade their space wasn't enough.

"Who the hell are you?"

That would be Mimi. Well, that's what I've christened her anyway. No, I haven't gone and adopted a 5th cat. One night, I was getting ready for bed, and I opened the back door to go and unplug my outside string of lights. As soon as I opened the door, this little grey cat came tearing into the house before I even realized she was there (note to self - may be a good idea to look before opening door). She must belong to someone, as she was perfectly comfortable around me, and the guys. She headed straight for their bedtime snack, much to Malcolm's dismay.

"Who the hell are you?"

She then eyed "the box".

"Whoa, whoa there missy. You just keep on eating over there...just keep on eating."

And when I opened the door, she walked out. I've seen her a few more times at the back door. She wasn't scruffy or wild looking at all, which leads me to believe she belongs to someone.

"We shouldn't have let her leave, Malcolm."

"Well, she was eating our food and stuff."

"Yeah well, what do you think's gonna happen now, huh? She's gonna tell all the outdoor cats that some Crazy Cat Lady lives here, and that she's a sucker for any hungry outdoor kitty with a hard luck story. Man, now they're all gonna show up at the door. If it's not dogs, it's cats. What's next? Elephants escape from the zoo and show up here? Geez..."

"That'd be awesome!"

So, despite everything else, things always do manage to remain interesting around here. I will get a picture of Brian's mittens before I pass them on to him, and who knows - by next week, I may have progress to show you. I'm crossing my fingers that the progress I do end up showing you is of the WIPs I've mentioned today. You never know (neither do I, for that matter).

Hi Everybody!

It's me!

Malcolm, silly.

"Hi!"

I'm hijacking Mom's blog! She's not feeling well today; something about gout in her big toe. I'm not sure what that is, but it's making her crabby! And she's limping and swearing and stuff. I think it has something to do with her polycythemia. Just something she has to get used to now, I guess. I said to her - Mom, why don't you go lie down, put your foot up, pop some pills and let me take over! She just kept dragging her foot and swearing so I figured, why not. I'll take it as a yes.

Guess who came over for a visit this week!?

Sasha! She came over with her Dad Brian, and Leika's big brother James. Leika's this big honkin' German Sheppard who lives next door. But she's really nice and sweet and all, and Gandalf has a crush on her.

"Hi Sasha!"

"Hi Gandalf! Hi Malcolm! Thanks for having me over! It's really raining outside."

"You wanna stay for some noms?"

"OK! Oh, wait, I think my Dad is gonna give me noms when we get home."

"How's your little sister doing?!"

"Roxy? Oh, she's a big pain in the butt. But, she's OK I guess."

Oh! I didn't tell you! One day, a couple of weeks ago, Sasha and her Dad were coming home from the park when this puppy just came out of nowhere, and followed them home! She didn't have a collar, or a microchip either (whatever that is). Mom says it's probably because she has some pitbull in her, and you're not allowed to breed pitbulls in the city of Toronto. So, whoever got her got her off of someone who bred them, and that's not supposed to happen. No one came looking for her, and no one put signs up or anything. But, that's OK. She's also got some Lab in her, and boy, does Mom ever think she's cute! Everyone does! I mean, I look at her from my side of the window, and she's always wagging her tail. Sasha says she's a spaz and a 'tard, but I think she really likes having a little sister. Anyway. Her name is Roxy now. I'll try to get a picture next time. But she's always running around, so sometimes it's hard you know. Everytime I see her outside, I have to remember to go and get the camera and that's kinda hard with no opposable thumbs.

"What did you buy at the store, Sasha?"

"Oh, I don't know. My Dad bought some people food. Is that your food? Kitty food?"

"Uh huh. I think it's Salmon. Help yourself!"

Mae's all - whatever. I think she secretly likes having Sasha over because it means there's another girl around. Ew.

"Don't you be eating my food, dog. I didn't invite you over. Dweeb brothers..."

Mom has been knitting. Honest! I mean, she'd start stuff, and then be all - meh. Then she'd unravel it and start again. But, now she's making these Fair Isle mittens from some Fair Isle book by some lady in Scotland. It's supposed to be the be all to end all! She's liking them. I think she's going to rip them out though, and start over again, because she doesn't like the way the ribbing looks. Humans are so weird. Something about the purl bumps looking messy because of the colour changes. It's not like she has a lot to rip back, she only just started them. And, she's going to use up a bunch of leftover Hebridean 2 ply yarn from that same lady in Scotland! Coooool... And she's also making this red sweater with some Fleece Artist yarn she forgot she even had. I dunno. I remember ALL my toys, so I really don't get how she can forget some yarn she has. Anyway, it's really nice and stuff, so she's making this easy sweater. She's doing it in one big circle, and then when she gets to the underarm, she's gonna slip some stitches on a holder or something, and then go do the sleeves later. Oh, but before she makes the sleeves, she makes the upper part of the sweater. I dunno. I guess I've been watching Mom knit for way too long now. Don't ask how I even know that! She works on that when she's watching stuff on TV.

Guess what else Mom's been doing? And it's been keeping her really busy too. She's been reading these books by some guy named Stieg Larsson. One's about a girl with a dragon tattoo, and in the other one Mom's reading now the girl plays with fire. Oh, and there's another one too that Mom hasn't starting reading yet about the same girl who kicks a hornet's nest. I dunno. Sounds pretty meh to me. But Mom can't get over how good they are. And she reads a lot of books. Whatever. I don't read.

"...stupid books...cuttin' back on my Mom time...bad enough with the knitting all the time...oh, and that work thing..."

OK, I think I'm gonna go now. I'm kinda tired, and I think Mom's gonna go take some Aleve or something for her gout. She's still kinda crabby.

"Take care of Mom, entertain guests when they come over... Eat your dinner Gandalf! Sit on my lap Gandalf! Have a snack Gandalf! It never ends! I'm so busy all the time! I need some me time."

Hey! Wait a sec! Who put that picture up there! (That's my new favourite nap spot. It's the top part from a big paper box! Neat, huh?!)

Anyways! Bye everyone! Thanks for dropping by! And Happy Thanksgiving to all my Canadian friends out there. Today is Thanksgiving in Canada, and I know I'm thankful for a lot of things.

Atticus is gonna show Gandalf and I how to get the ice pack out of the freezer for Mom now. Bye! Again!

Could It Be?!!

What? A FINISHED project?!!

OK. So it's a hat. But I think this probably marks only the 2nd finished project for 2010.

But it's a mighty fine hat. (Well, I think so anyway.)

Malcolm graciously agreed to model the finished piece.

"No, not really. I'm just to tired to protest."

I finished "Dahlia", one of three designs included in "Hattrick" from Virtual Yarns. I haven't blocked it yet; I'm still looking for a right-sized plate to form it on.

So happy! Love love love! The colours are just beautiful, and work so well together. It satisfied my urge to work on a stranded project, and should keep any more stranded urges at bay until the weather cools a bit. Or so I say. I've been itching to start work on "Donegal", and after all, when it comes to casting on something new, I'm not one to deny myself. I've made that quite clear in the past. *sigh*

"Wow Malcolm, that hat really suits you."

"Really? Oh, thanks Gandalf! Do you think Mom will let me wear it? It's so soft."

"I can't see why not."

I really want to thank everyone for their kind words and wishes re. my polycythemia. I appreciate it so much! It's been a confusing and demoralizing time for me, but having so many friends wish me well means a lot. I had some blood work last week, and my blood counts are starting to come down, which is a positive sign! I have to continue going every 2 weeks until he's satisfied I'm on the right dose, and the medication is working. So far, so good...

"Hi Sasha!"

"Hi Gandalf! Hi Atticus!"

"Do you want to come in and play for a bit? I'll ask my Mom."

"No, I can't, I'm waiting for my Dad. I think we're going for a car ride!"

"The car?!! Oh wow! That's so cool!"

"Sasha, you need to play with your girlfriends, not those dweebs. I'll show you how to groom your paws! It'll be awesome! And we can have a snack too. And then watch Animal Planet, and have a nap! Yay! OK!"

Brian, Sasha's Dad, says that Sasha must have some cat in her, because she's always grooming herself like one. The funniest thing is watching her clean her face - by licking her paw, and rubbing her face with it.

"I'm just a one man wolfpack. Yup. That's me."

(If you haven't seen the movie The Hangover, do yourself a favour, and watch it.)

Have a great week everyone!

"Yeah! Have a great week! I'm just gonna be chillaxing, looking out the window, tryin' to catch bugs and stuff."

Well Hello Again!

It's been awhile! And I hadn't planned on being absent from the blogging world for a few weeks. But, such is life.

It's not that I've been terribly busy, just preoccupied. I've had a lot to deal with - work, for one (ick). And my health. I've had to come to grips with a diagnosis I was given a few weeks ago; and dealing with the heavy-duty meds I'm now on for life.

For years (well, since at least 2006), my doctor has been a tad concerned about some of my blood results. Namely, my red blood cells have been high, and showing increases every 6 months. When my white blood cells and platelets started inching up, she decided to send me to see a haematologist to figure out what was going on. A few weeks ago, he diagnosed me with a bone marrow disorder called polycythemia vera. What it means is that my bone marrow has gone a bit spazy, and is producing too many red and white blood cells, and platelets. As a result, my blood is thicker, which could lead to blood clots (thrombosis), heart attack, and stroke. There are a host of other lovely symptoms as well - fatigue, itching (which is, let me tell you, pretty annoying...), dizziness, headaches, and in my case - vision disturbances, sensitivity to heat and light, and numbness in the extremities. It's a rare genetic mutation apparently. So, in my case, the only way to control the over-production is to take some pretty strong chemotherapy drugs, which I'll be on the rest of my life. Even if my levels go back to normal, I'll still need to take them, otherwise my levels will start increasing. It's a chronic disorder, so it's not something that can be "cured".

Anyway, the medication - called Hydroxyurea - has it's own set of side effects. Nausea, other gastro issues, fatigue in the early stages, loss of appetite, hair loss (it is a chemo drug, after all), and other less pleasant ones I won't get into. I also have to take one low-dose aspirin a day to help with the blood clotting.

So, I'm just trying to wrap my head around it all. I'm lucky that I have an excellent haematologist. He tells me things as they are, and doesn't sugar-coat anything. He thinks I've been dealing with this for at least 6 years, and had I not been diagnosed when I was, the chances would have been pretty good that I would have had a stroke or heart attack within the next couple of years. He doesn't deny either that I could develop leukemia later in life, but also said that it's just a few %'s higher than other high risk groups. But - the good thing is they caught it when they did, and I'm being treated.

I'm going to try not to dwell on it too much. One day at a time. Besides. One positive from all of this? Mosquitoes stay clear of me. They just don't seem to like my blood.

"You know, I was going to start wearing a nurse's uniform so I could make sure Mom took her meds, but then I thought - nah, I'd have to be all nice and have a good bed-side manner and stuff and really. I'm not about to change at my age."

Well, it hasn't all been doom and gloom around here. There has been knitting! Yay!

"...about time she sticks to one project...geez. If I had a bowl of food for everything she started and ripped out in the past few weeks, I'd look like Atticus..."

"I heard that!"

Look!

I purchased "Hat Trick" from Virtual Yarns awhile ago, and decided it would be the perfect little project. I've been itching to do some stranded work. I've started working on Dahlia, and it's moving along quite nicely. Once you get past the corrugated rib on DPN's, that is *grumble*. But, the effect is worth it. There's enough yarn to work all 3 hats in the pattern card. I haven't decided which one I'll work next.

I don't know why I keep starting projects that I know just aren't "me". After all these years, I know the type of knitting I like - traditional - and I always end up ditching those projects that don't fall into that category. I'm not saying it's the only type I'll knit, but it is a hard sell to get me to work on something that doesn't use those techniques. Oh, c'mon. Let's face it. I'm a knitting snob, and I know it. So be it.

Hey! Look who also have come out to say hi!

"Thanks for the salad bar, Nice Human Girl. If your Human Friend Who Likes Rabbits comes for a visit, make sure she brings us some vegetables. Or apples. Those are good too."

They're getting so big! And, they no longer run and hide from me. They'll actually come and greet me when I approach their pen. Or, it could just be they think I'll have food for them. And man - can those bunnies EAT. They can go through a whole head of lettuce in 30 minutes flat. And chow down a carrot or two for good measure while they're at it.

I keep wanting to get a picture of Sasha (my neighbour Brian's dog), but I usually remember when I'm back inside the house. The guys no longer seem bothered by her staring at them through the french doors. Gandalf in particular seems intrigued by her. He was after all the one who napped with his cousin Finnegan once, and loves the long, lingering looks he shares with Leika, my other neighbour's (the house next to ours) German Sheppard. Leika will sit on their deck, and watch Gandalf. And he'll look through the glass at her...

"You like Girl Dogs!"

"I do not, shut up."

"Yes you do, I've seen you looking at Leika. AND Sasha."

"I do not like girls, OK! Stop it, or I'll punch you out!"

"...Gandalf likes girls...Gandalf likes girls...Gandalf and Leika, sitting in tree..."

"Really Malcolm."

OK, off to get some breakfast. I have to keep my meals regular, and healthy. So what I'd like to have (waffles with oodles of butter and syrup) will probably end up being a blueberry/banana smoothie with probiotics. *sigh*

Have a great week everyone!